For some of you, this may be a slightly uncomfortable, or even perhaps some of you might find it funny , which is intended, but for some reason it has been bothering me lately, so I figured I would get it off of my chest and see what people thought. The story is about the top 10 most annoying things (to me) that a guy does while using the urinal. Some of you may do some of these things, others of you may shake your head in agreement, and yet even some of you may say why in the world would he write about such a thing. Well, I have some spare time right now, so why not.

In no particular order:

  1. The guy who washes his hands before using the restroom as if to say my hands are so dirty, that I can’t just wait until after I am finished to wash them.
  2. The guy who doesn’t wash his hands at all, before or after. Then, you see him later shaking hands with other people or eating with his hands and you just can’t stand to watch.
  3. The guy who immediately flushes the urinal upon walking up to it, whether or not it needed it or not. Sometimes, he does it after he saw the other guy just flush. WHY? Does he want to waste water? Does he feel like things might overflow if he doesn’t? What is the logic behind this? Just wait, use the restroom and flush afterwards like a normal person! Some guys even go so far as to leave their hands on the flush handle so that can flush at the beginning, middle, and finally the end. What does one of these guys do if he runs into one of these waterless urinals that don’t require flushing?
  4. The guy who walks up to the urinal and spits in it. As if urinating on the urinal isn’t enough to mark his territory, this guy feels that a large spit is in order.
  5. The guy who feels it is necessary to let out numerous relief moans while doing his business. You would think these people had been holding it in for a week with as loud as some they can be. No one needs to hear this…EVER, much less when that person is only a couple of feet away.
  6. The guy who thinks it necessary to practically have a seizure at the end of doing their business in order to shake things out. Not that I am looking, but I do have peripheral vision, and it makes me feel as if I need to check on some of these people because their entire top torso is convulsing and they are practically jumping up and down. As a friend of mine once said, “if you shake it more than twice, you are playing with it.”
  7. The guy who won’t use the “short” urinal b/c they feel they are either too tall or too cool for it. I understand some people are taller, and I could understand if Shaq waited, but for those who are below 6′ 5″, just aim a little lower and stop rushing the guy you are waiting for.
  8. The infamous guy who is right before you and decides to use the middle urinal, leaving you no option but to choose a urinal right next them. Or, the guy who, despite having 3 other choices, chooses the urinal right next to you. There is a plain and simple rule for guys, don’t do it. Guys have a certain space criteria, and this is crossing the border. My friends put together a nice little video about “ManSpace” that illustrates this point to a tee.
  9. The guy who walks up the urinal and feels it is necessary to spread his legs as wide as possible, and stick one hand as high as possible on the wall above the urinal. What kind of pose is this and what does it accomplish? Do things flow better? What does this guy do when at home with only a toilet? Does he do the same thing and just bend way over so his hand can be on the wall?
  10. And finally, the guy who feels that they must talk to you while using the restroom. As I said before, there are certain man rules that must be obeyed, and near the top of that list is to stare at the wall directly in front of you, or look down, but never look at the person next to you, and for heaven’s sake never try to strike up a conversation. There is nothing you can say that will make the situation any less awkward, so shut up and finish your business!

So, for the women out there, this is a little insight into the odd behaviour that can exist inside the men’s room. Of course, urinals aren’t all bad. There is nothing better than not having to wait for 20 minutes like the women to use the restroom. Now, for a little humor to finish everything off, here is a funny video about something that will, or should, never happen, but is still quite funny.
Urinal Humor