What’s the temperature in HELL?
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the Professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course,why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law, gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed, or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulation given to me by Karen during my Freshman year, “…that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,” and taking into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only A given.

So here is a little holiday humor for the masses.

The Man Code:
1. Thou shall not rent the movie “Chocolat”
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who’s running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy’s “ex”, you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see nothin’.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend’s cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who’s playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you’ll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel…and it’s free.
20. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, “What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin”, then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers.”
“Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer (unless you live in Texas) or
the last of pizza, but not both. That’s just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she’s withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not, unless you are gay.

As most of you know by now, Timber passed away a couple of weeks ago. It has been a pretty hard time coping with the fact that she is no longer in the house. Since her passing, Barbie’s mom, who officially swore off ever wanting another dog, decided that she now wanted a puppy of her own. I can’t say she will ever get as good a dog as Timber, but she is at least going to try.
So last night, after much discussions about what type of dog both Jeanne and Alan liked…they decided on an American Eskimo. Since we all know how Barbie can be, the next thing I know we are headed to a local breeder in Santa Clara to look at American Eskimo puppies. Needless to say that it is hard to resist puppies, so we are now the caretakers (only for a day or two) of the new Bailey puppy. Of course we have pictures, so Click Here to see the new puppy.
By the way, I am very glad that I am a sound sleeper because a puppy sure knows how to whine on his first night away from home.

Well I have done a ton of shopping the last few days, and the malls are crazy. I’ve basically resolved when looking for a parking stop to drive to the either the farthest point from the mall entrance or go to the top level of the parking garage. There is no chance in the world of finding a close parking spot, unless you decide to arrive at 7am in the morning. Anyways, I must admit I have quite enjoyed the shopping experience. It seems to emphasize the Holiday season. There has definitely been some nightmares during my excursions, but I can’t get into that now because certain people who read this will know what they got. The best experience was walking through the mall and hearing Christmas Carols from a 100-200 piece band. It was a pretty cool site seing everyone just standing around listening. So, the Christmas tree is up at our house (has been since right after Thanksgiving), but now there are presents. I’ll upload a picture shortly.

On to the sports world. Unfortunately the Varsity girls lost their last two games in the Cupertino tournament…so they now are 4-5. The JV girls don’t play again until Jan. 3rd. As for FSU, the troubles continue as Darnell Dockett, the starting defensive tackle, has been ruled ineligible for the Sugar Bowl for breaking an undisclosed team rule. Then to top things off, the Dolphins decided to lose to a weak Minnesota team. Basically, they got caught looking ahead to next weeks game against the Pats. At least that is my feeling.

Well, I’m now down to one day of work left until I get a whole week off. After tomorrow I don’t have to go back until Jan. 2nd. This is one of the few good things about working for Lockheed…the Christmas break.

Here is an email that I have received in the past about men and women arithmetic…it’s pretty funny so I figured I would post it.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
and my personal favorite…………
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.”
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Well more information has come out regarding Chris Rix, and it appears he overslept an exam due to personal family issues that were weighing on his mind. I understand sports isn’t everything…but wake up for goodness sakes!

Anyways, I got a couple of funny links the other day that I thought I would pass on. The first is an animation with kittens put to a Led Zeppelin song…Check it out. The main site for this type of animation is rathergood.com.

The second funny thing I got was a picture that I’m sure some HR representative or boss had to deal with… although I think it would pretty funny if someone actually had the audacity to pull it off. View image.

Congrats to the Oak Grove Red Dawgs for winning the National Championship for Pop Warner football. I’m sure none of you have any clue who I am talking about, but my friend at work has a son who’s Pop Warner team just won the national championship in Orlando, FL. They even played a team from Miami that I used to play against when I was youngin’….Palmetto Park. Here is a Team Photo of the mighty Red Dawgs…my friends son is #9, and his name is Logan. Use the link above to read all about the Pop Warner Championships.

What the heck is going on in Tallahassee??
First Adrian Mcpherson is busted on a felony charge, but that was OK because Rix came in and beat UF. Now Rix decides to miss a final exam, and thanks to the “Deion Clause” which states that all players must take, not necessarily pass, all final exams to be eligible to play in bowl games. Rix states there was personal reasons why he didn’t take the exam, so now FSU is going to start Fabian Walker! Here is the article on Rix: http://floridastate.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=152067

Now to top things off, Leon Washington, the star backup RB that came into the UF game and played exceptional, is also possibly not eligible. Although, they are saying he may be able to take a makeup exam. I don’t know why he can take a makeup exam and Rix can’t…the details of these events are just coming around.

Anyways, after all of this, I have to deal with a bunch of cry-baby Hurricane fans complaining about Dorsey not winning the Heisman. Listen kids, it’s not a career award, it’s a season award. Yes, winning games is the most important thing overall, but this is an individual award. The Sears Awards, aka. National Champions trophy, is what the best team gets. Just deal with it. Well there is an article on NYTIMES.com about how Dorsey supposedly got robbed of the Heisman. Use the “More” link to view the article.
Read the rest of this entry »

This has to be one of the stupidest, yet oddly funniest little web movies I have yet to see. Thanks to Nick for wasting a minute of my life watching this…although it has become the punchline for many a joke on the basketball court. So if you have a minute to spare for some dry humor, watch the movie: Hi Movie

Well Barbie has finally got back from her week long trip to England to meet with the folks from Cisco Europe. It is very nice to have her back…especially because I get a home cooked meal again. I can only live on Roast Beef and Turkey sandwiches for so long. Her trip was very successful, and I’ll let you all know about it at a future date.

Anyways, Friday night was a very fun night for a couple of reasons. First of all, both the JV and Varsity girls basketball teams won against Kings Academy. The best part of the JV game was watching the girls implement the offense they had just learned the night before. They did an excellent job of executing. Also, it was nice to have a friend in the stands to watch the game…thanks Nick. Although I didn’t expect a third coach at halftime. The varsity girls ended up winning in double OT…the entire game was close, but they pulled it out in the end with a 3 point victory.

Following the games, we went over to Yamo’s place and played a game called Halo on the xbox. What a great game. It seems very similar to Unreal Tournament, which Tim so nicely got running on my Linux laptop Thursday night. By the way, a big thanks to Tim for upgrading my Linux laptop to do all sorts of cool things like play DVD’s and Unreal Tournament.

So…onto Sunday when the Dolphins beat the Raiders 23-17. It is going to be so nice to go into work tomorrow and be able to talk trash. One of the secrataries kept talking about how good the Raiders were…let’s just say she is $25 short on cash now that the Fins showed them who is boss.